please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i already hear my dad disowning me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
