the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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