Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
