so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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