honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
