I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
