No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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