Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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