Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
