yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
