Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
