saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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