my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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