it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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