sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
