this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
