He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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