When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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