I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
