i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
