Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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