Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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