In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There r osticjed everywhere
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
