when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
