Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
