bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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