Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
