dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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