he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
