I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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