i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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