Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
time to smoke my breakfast
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
