There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
