everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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