I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
