fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
