Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
