Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
