dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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