New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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