you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
