i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
