I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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