and she was petting her beer can
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
