I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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