I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
