my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
