My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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