Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
