he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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